Southern Yankee

 It's 3:00 in the morning and I'm laying in the bed. Some nights it's like this, can't shut off these thoughts running through my head. Even took a sleep aid which didn't help a thing, tell me now do you ever have nights like this? What is it that keeps you from sleeping and not wanting to close your eyes? Is it the memories that linger or the ghosts from things long ago? Is it the conversations that are on constant repeat, like a vinyl record playing from long ago or the faces that you see that you've been trying to let go? Tell me what it is, that keeps your insomnia on the go?

 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world  you will have trouble, but take heart I have overcome the world John 16:34 So many people are hurting and going through hard times right now. Maybe your a single parent who gets no child support or you lost someone who you love to death or are about to lose them, you have no job, your homeless, you have lost all your belongings to a fire, flood or other natural disaster, you're an addict trying to stay clean, your in a middle of getting a divorce or no longer find yourself with the person you love, being abused in any way or have been abused, your bank account has a dollar in it or it's in the negative, bills are due, you have legal issues and the list goes on. Whatever it is your facing know it will get better. God sees you and hears you and he's making a way for you. You just have to hold on and believe it. Keep doing your best everyday, don't give up and don't make excuses to quit. Wh...

 She never found anyone who could love her like she loved, so she learned to love herself. Just learned the biggest lesson ever and I thought 2023 was a hard year. Nope 2024 already has it beat. I'm officially done, officially broken and highly pissed off! No longer going to listen to words because they're only words. People are inclined to make and inclined to break what they say. You want the truth watch their actions. This set back just made me more determined for a comeback like no other. When you can't find the love or friendships you are looking for or deserve you stop looking and you learn to love yourself. God tells me I am fearfully and wonderfully made and His love alone is enough. I'm going to do me and fight for my well being so if you want to be apart of my life your going to have to climb that mountain. If I let you in consider yourself blessed because from here on out there's going to be a lot of testing to  prove if you're really true. Respect my...

I haven't written in a while so I have a lot to talk about. It'll cover multiple topics, so bear with me. First I'm still at a loss of people saying one thing and doing another. Hence the ghosting way of things. I get people are going through stuff, and they're trying to figure out who they are, what they're doing in their life and whatever else may be weighing on their mind but if someone is generally checking in on you, you can't take 2 minutes to respond even send an emoji with a thumbs up, something. It's so frustrating for a person like me who's old school. I guess it's something I'm going to have to learn to work on is, no response is a response and let that crap go! We don't always get the answers or the closure we need and we have to be okay with that. So for someone like me that's very hard to do but I'm going to have to learn that or I'm going to keep having very hard lessons in my life and I'm tired of hard.  Second...

 It's been a busy week and I haven't had time to write. I have been at work for nine days due to winter weather that decided to grace our state. I'm happy that I will be off for the next 5 days so I will have some time to blog. Not happy that my child has covid & the flu. I will be glad to say goodbye to both the weather and her illnesses, which brings me to the topic at hand. Saying Goodbye... One of my dearest and best friends moved recently and I'm going to miss them like crazy! When they first told me that they were moving out of state I was like no, no way and nope not going to let you! I didn't know how I was going to get through my hard days without them. Then they said silly we have phones. So we can talk, text, video call, there's even messenger and writing letters. They said don't forget I'm only going to be 2/3 hours away so there are also road trips to see each other. This person has been one of the realest people in my life. They have al...

If you have never been to Arkansas or lived there let me tell you a little bit about the weather. At any given time you can have all four seasons in one day. This week on Thursday 1/11/24 we were under a tornado watch/warning ⚠️. We ended up having straight line winds ranging at 45 to 60 mph. There were big trees uprooted and toppled over. In places it looked like a scene from the movie twister. Today we are having a snow apocalypse and the whole town is shut down! Six of my coworkers and I are sleeping at work so we can be here to work our shifts the next few days. The residents need us. Yesterday as I was getting ready to prepare for my stay I went to Walmart. Let me tell you the shelves were bare. Very little milk, eggs and the bread section empty. The chips and dips, fruit and vegetables and sweets (pies, cakes, rolls ect ect) we're just about bare. I have never gotten use to seeing this in all my years of living here. Don't hate, I know we don't have the equipment like...

 I can't help but wonder why people can't be honest and loyal. Why they can't tell the truth and be upfront with their intentions or feelings. I mean after all we are grown. It's probably because some don't want to hurt your feelings, while other are waiting for something better to come along, and some want their cake and eat it too. I would rather be told the truth then to be comfort with a lie. I wish people could just say what they mean and mean what they say. So sick of all these silly games people play. I get it's hard to tell someone how you feel but we would save a lot of time and heartache if we did just that. I don't mean you have to be rude about it, just do it as nicely as you can. I get people are busy but no one is that busy that they can't send a two letter word (hi) it's true you make time for the things and people that matter to you, hence the saying if they wanted to they would. The other thing that gets me and it's something new...

 So we are in the 9th day of the new year and things are not looking so hot. Many people I know are going through some difficult times including myself. We thought 2024 was going to be better then last year but if these last 9 days are any indication, then we're in trouble. I know God has a plan for all this and we must remember His plans are always better then ours. One thing that helps me other than praying is going for a ride with good company and having the music on. Thank You my friend. So when life is looking bleak and you want to get away just get in your car and drive. Turn the music up loud and let the stress melt away. If your blessed enough to have good company ride along then double the fun and blessings. So get in your cars and ride! 

 I always say the story of my life or if it can happen it's going to happen to me.  So on Friday January 5, 24 we saw our first snow of the year. It was pretty but I'm over winter. The people down here in the South make me laugh. If snow is mentioned in the forecast you can go to Walmart or most stores and you won't find milk, eggs, bread and maybe toilet paper. I mean like they wipe the shelves out. I find it funny because snow doesn't usually last very long down here and then we're back to normal which is driving and getting around. I have lived here now 33 years and I still find how they do winter down here amusing .  So Friday night my daughter and I were coming home from Benton and she spotted a deer in a ditch on the side of the road. We turned around and soon realized that it couldn't get up (probably from a broken leg). I called AR Fish and Game to report it, as I knew it was probably going to have to be put down. As we were waiting at a little store on ...

 Let's love one another and embrace each other's differences. Let's make the world a better place for you and I. There is so much hurt in the world and it's just heartbreaking. Imagine if we all just decided to be helpful and nice. For example it doesn't take anything to smile at someone and ask how they are. If you know someone who is unable to do things due to a physical reasons, an elderly person, a single parent or just a complete stranger go check on them and see if there is anything they might need. Yes it would take up a few hours of your time but are we not supposed to love our neighbors like Jesus? This does not mean be a doormat, let people cross your boundaries, or put up with any kind of abuse. Even those kind of people we can't be around due to reasons I listed above or other things, we can still pray for them. Everyone needs prayers. We are all looking for the same thing, to feel safe, to be seen, to be heard and to be loved. Even the unlovable one...

 Maybe this will be 'your year'. Maybe it won't. Maybe you are exhausted from 2023 and you don't have the energy to jump into 2024, determined to claim it for your own. Maybe you're happy for 2024 to pass gently, with no huge mountains to climb or valleys to negotiate. Without the peaks and troughs  and the highs and lows. Maybe you're simply ready for 2024 to be consistently peaceful and calm.  There is something incredibly freeing about feeling content with where you are. Without the need to keep chasing more, more, more. If you keep climbing mountains, soon enough you'll run out of sky.  And when you do, you might realise that you never really stopped to look back at how far you've come; you never really paused to admire the view. If there's a mountain in your midst and you're determined to climb it, then go for it. Let this be 'your year'. But know too that this can be 'your year' if you simply reach the end of it  happy and a...

  A good little bit before they moved in, they saw a tiny little mouse in the attic. They never saw any signs of it anywhere else in the house. Even after moving in, they looked for signs, but nothing. A couple of weeks after they moved in they started smelling the weirdest, most off-putting smell and it was always near plumbing (bathroom, water heater, etc). They tried everything. Cleaned thoroughly, and flushed the lines thinking it might have been stagnant water because the water was on way before they moved in so they thought that could be it. Even thought it might be the treatment plant. To no avail.....Then one morning the wife walked through the kitchen, right past the dishwasher barefoot. She was headed to the laundry room to start laundry and was DISTRACTED. Her husband walked right behind her, following her steps. He saw a faint movement and looked down. There it was, a small rat snake. He picked it up and took it outside. He came back in and said, "there was your smell...

  This is going to be long and probably boring. Hello beautiful people it is officially the new year. I don't want to dwell on the past as it is behind us and things cannot be changed.  I have a hard time letting things go and I overthink everything! Shocker, not for the ones who truly know me. Which by the way thank y'all for putting up with me, I don't know how you do it. One reason why I want to blog is to be able to express my thoughts and feelings. To share my poetry, and story's I find interesting or that could maybe help someone. Whether they're mine or someone else's. Some of the stuff I post might be triggering to people who have gone through trauma. So I will post a warning when I write about certain things. I also want to learn how to be me and to embrace the things I do not like about myself. Be the real me and not always have to pretend or act like life is great. Which seems to be getting harder as I'm getting older. I'm finding out if my mo...